Black sheep?

By Emily-rose Knowles

I was bullied badly when I was young.

I get it – I was the little girl trying to cover up bald spots with my huge hair bands. I was an easy target.

Bullying led to missing school, then later;
changing high school and eventually finding a tribe of very strange humans just like me.

We were all rejects.

We were all bullied.

The quiet ones waiting for someone else to give us permission to come out of our unique shells.

Luckily, we found each other and now after years of not being scared to be ourselves unapologetically we became comedians, business owners, successful YouTubers, presenters, artists and lots of other things.

Raising our own children to own how amazing they are.

All of this because we subconsciously gave ourselves the permission to just be.

No editing.

No changing.

No trying to fit in.

Through all this you’d think I’d mastered the ability to “give zero F**Ks” about what people think of me and the way I decide to live my life and for a long time I did live that way until life threw a lesson my way;

When I became engaged I had family members ignore my news and blatantly congratulate another family member who was recently engaged. I fell pregnant, and people had to be prompted to reach out to me to give an obligatory “congrats.”

Then I realised why it hurt;
I had forgotten that nobody, no matter who it may be – (relatives, close friends etc.)
Wants to see you win when they’re not winning themselves.

Therefore it was never personal.

Not the bullying I experienced from the ages of 8 to 13.

Not the rejection I experienced from relatives.

Not the lack of happiness or acknowledgement from people who would traditionally be there cheering me on.

Nope.

It’s the most beautiful and freeing feeling in the world when you can love people who actively dislike you because of whatever they project onto you, for whatever reason.

It’s my job to love myself and my situation unquestionably and wholly, always.

I never really needed any outside permission to be me.
And this little wake up call prodded my ego a little and made me realise that
It was a choice I have repeatedly made for myself.

And I hope you do too.
(It’s bloody wonderful.)

Love always,
Emily x