The Challenge of Emotional Meltdowns
I had the biggest meltdown of my life in December. The warning signs were all there and I totally ignored them. Why you might ask? I was in total DENIAL!
In September I started with a new coach who pushed all my buttons. Making me take a long hard look at what I really wanted to experience and how I wanted to play in life. I thought I was going outside my comfort zone but in reality I was doing the same things over and over.
I was meeting all kinds of people and starting all kinds of projects and I felt dead inside. Emotionless. No passion. One of my signs was watching TV (I don’t normally watch a lot of TV) and I kept putting the volume up louder and louder as if it was going to block out my thoughts. Another sign for me was my inability to keep attention on any book I was reading and I love to read. I was going through the motions and better yet nobody knew until one day I cracked.
Of course it had to be holiday time. My poor hubby had no idea what the hell happened, all those emotions came pouring out of me. It was like I was crying for all those people in pain, mind you I am not a crier nor am I a depressed person, well that all changed. I hit **ROCK BOTTOM**.
Have you ever been there? If not it’s not a pretty place, if so kudos to you for getting back up. Because when I DECIDED I had ENOUGH that is when the shit changed.
When I decided to draw the line in the sand and say, I am ready Universe, I may not be exactly sure for what, but I know I am ready. I want different results I want a different lifestyle.
Deep down we all want to make a change for the better to help others. Sometimes that gets lost while we get in our own way. You know what I am talking about. I got in my own way by pretending everything was fine, going about my merry way when each day a piece of my self was dying. I was afraid to talk to anyone because everyone has something going on who want to listen to me complain about my woes? All of this and more lead to the meltdown.
I pulled back from everyone disengaged from even my own hubby, withdrew into myself as I honestly felt like I was losing my mind. The emotions were over whelming for someone who did/does not have anxiety was riddled with it; on top of that the fear was riding me hard. Who or what the hell had I become?
I finally started asking for help only to find out there was a lot going on with other people as well, I thought to myself this could be in the air and it made me feel better, enough that I started reaching out to my friends again. It was baby steps. Asking for help, did they see something I didn’t? The answers were coming in; I am into the woowoo, and all kinds of energy healing. **SO** I went to healers and asked for advice.
Resisting the emotions makes it last longer and so much worse. By allowing myself to feel all the emotions, they started to slowly go away. You know anger, disappointment, fear, lack, sadness, oh and let’s not forget the mind chatter that adds to this little tea party.
I was being told most of what I was feeling was not mine, **HUH**??? Well I always knew I was an empath, someone who feels others emotions except this gift grew 150%. So I now needed to learn after all that I went through, what was mine and what belonged to other people. Joy of joys something positive did come out of all this. I was not crazy.
I needed to start asking questions, such as what can I do to find peace or confidence or be the person I see myself becoming? As my gift is growing I had to find the inner strength to continue on, to move forward to learn to disengage when other people’s emotions hit me.
I know I absolutely have the inner strength to be all I want and more. I have the ability to take this gift and help more people. I absolutely know everything happens for a reason. I know what we go through will help us all move forward when the light starts to glow brightly at the end of the tunnel.