Invictus
Don't you just love it when you attend something with absolutely no expectations and then you are pleasantly surprised with the experience? Well, this is exactly what happened to me on a warm Saturday night in late 2015 when I (and two other fabulous women) went to see Oprah live!
Now, I have never been a huge fan of that type of television. The screeching that comes from those live audience members is enough to turn my brain to mush, but seeing Oprah live, with two awesome ladies by my side, is an experience that I'm glad I didn't miss.
She was raw, authentic, funny, inspiring and, most surprisingly, unapologetically honest about her success. This struck a cord with me right off the bat because it soon became quite clear that her acknowledgement of her accomplishments did not appear to be driven by vanity, but rather it felt like a candid retelling of her story, her rise to success and what it took to get to where she is today.
One of the first things that resonated with me, was her recital of one of her favourite poems, Invictus by William Ernest Henley.
This poem ends with the words ‘I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul' and as I heard her repeat these words, I was thinking to myself ‘Hell yeah, that's exactly what I want to be.'
Being master and captain of your own faculties and ultimately, your own destiny, has a great ring to it. I loved the sound of this because it reminded me that the only way to really move forward, was to take responsibility away from all of the external factors which I thought were influencing me (and steering the ship of my life) and accepting that only I can determine which course my life will take.
I loved the power that this statement exuded and decided to keep it as one of my own little mantras. Over the last year and a bit, I have reverted to it many times when making decisions… and it’s worked! Whether it was a decision on the growth of my business, the care and wellbeing of my children, my relationships or my choices for the future, I just keep on reminding myself “YOU are the master of your fate, YOU are the captain of your soul.”
Which leads me to something else I heard on that night, and which I will be holding close to me as I continue to captain my little ship of life. Oprah was discussing her inability over the years to be able to say ‘no' when necessary (yep, we've ALL been there) and I realised that this was an issue that I needed some help with.
I often (very often) say ‘yes' to things, and I say it willingly because it is something that I really want to do. I am never asked to explain my reasoning or justify my response when I say yes – that one word is usually enough to convey my feelings on the matter and no one ever feels the need to dig any deeper.
Why then, do I feel so obligated to justify my reasoning and explain, excuse or defend my answer, when I choose to say no?
Thankfully, Oprah was very clear and definitive when she said something that I think I need to keep reminding myself of on a daily basis – ‘No' is a complete sentence.
Well… who would have thought?! This inherent need that we have, to keep pleasing people and rationalising our decisions, and to appease their expectations, can actually be dissipated by this one statement.
‘No' is, in fact, a complete sentence.
OK, thank you Oprah. No, I don't want to go there… no, I don't want to do that… no, I don't want fries with that…and no, I don't have to explain to you why I've decided to say no… just as you don't expect a reason or explanation from me when I choose to say yes.
Now, I don’t mean this in a mean, bitter or twisted way of making a point or voicing your discontent with something. If you want to explain why you've said ‘no' to something, feel free of course. This actually refers to the pressure we put on ourselves (well, I know I do) and the pressure we allow others to put on us, to do things, say things, go places or engage in things which we would really rather say no to.
Instead, I decided to put that same energy to good use by committing entirely to the things I have decided to say yes to. And the effect on my life, and particularly, my business, was electric! By doing this, I was suddenly able to happily, willingly and confidently steer my ship in the direction that I wanted it to go, without having to explain myself to anyone.
This also helped me with my dedication to making a conscious effort to be the master of my fate and the captain of my soul. I quickly saw that the people around me, who want to see me succeed in both business and life, and who are always there with their pom poms cheering me on, celebrated and appreciated this, and soon learnt to recognise that ‘no' can, in fact, be a complete sentence for both the person saying it AND the person hearing it.
So, thanks Oprah, for your little titbits of insight and encouragement. It was so great to learn from someone who, in the face of so much adversity, has come so far. I'm now looking forward to my future, the growth of my business and my relationships with everyone around me, and seeing it all from a new (and more authentic) perspective.
Bring it on!