Don’t be Afraid to Feel It
When it comes to emotions, I believe we are sometimes taught to “let go” too quickly. Trust me, I am a firm believer of letting go, shedding what is no longer working, moving on, moving past something, and focusing on the "right now" by being fully present, but what if we are moving too quickly through something? What if falling into the trap of letting go too quickly is really equating to avoidance?
I believe you have to feel the pain, the agony, and pressure, the hurt, the sickness, the dread, and the heaviness. You have to play in it, experience it, walk with it, carry it, and move with it long enough to understand it so that you do not shed it too quickly.
What happens if you let go and shed it too quickly?
I believe it then becomes a playing field of unsettled feelings and the bigger picture for forward positive movement becomes foggy. There is nothing bad in playing with gunk and feeling the emotions through to clarity, yet we are taught to “let it go” and press on.
Pressing on too quickly may mean you are actually carrying the unresolved feelings and unsettled emotions with you when you are approaching what is next. When this happens you may find yourself in similar situations and circumstances because you never took the necessary time to feel it and clear it.
My feel it and clear it approach wasn’t something I always tapped into. In fact, I was the warrior who quickly let go of anything that dared to keep me playing small or even dared to toy with my emotions. I moved on faster than the speed of lightning and immediately let go of it. I thought this was the brave thing to do. This is what we are taught to do after all, right? I do not think so.
There was nothing warrior-like when it came to pretending it wasn’t worth an ounce of my precious time. It ended up being worse for me in the end. Why? It is simple. It was unresolved and unsettled.
So what can you do when you are going through some tough times encapsulated with some serious emotional clutter? Let me share with you my “feel it and clear it” approach. Are you ready? Good! We have some work to do.
Step #1: Feel it. As painful as it might be, you have to revel in the pain, the hurt and the heaviness. Trust me, my friend, it is NOT pretty! It can be very ugly, honestly, but you have to be present in the gunk to clearly process it and understand it. Ask yourself these three questions:
- Why am I feeling this way?
- What is the root of my pain?
- What was I expecting in comparison to what happened?
After you have carefully taken the time to answer each question thoroughly, you should have a clear understanding of how you felt, what your expectation was, why you were let down and why you felt that way. Now you can move on to clear it. Are you ready? Let’s clear it.
Step #2: Clear it. It happened. It wasn’t what you wanted. It wasn’t how it was supposed to go. It failed, you failed, someone failed you, the plan or process failed and guess what? It is done. You understand what happened and how it made you feel. At this point, you also probably realized you never (ever) want to feel that way again, so you will carefully take the necessary action to give yourself the right space and clarity to never feel that way again. It is time to move on. It is time to clear it and learn from it. This is when it is safe to let go!
That’s it my friend! Feel it and clear it. It is that simple!