When Surrender is the Only Answer
A Bigger Conversation
Recently I woke up to some devastating news, which turned out to be breaking national news. To a stranger, the news would appear to be painful, heart wrenching and even may have caused some anger. When I looked at the person’s photo being blasted on the news and social media feeds I realized it was my high-school sweetheart – we had dated throughout my entire high-school years and, while we had some small break-ups in between, we were certainly an item. This man was facing the loss of his son because of an accident coupled with judgment, criticism, and complete emotional anguish. It was a lot for me to process, as I was still feeling sadness about my mother’s birthday the day prior. You see, it was the fourth birthday I had to endure without her, but I felt peaceful knowing she was looking down on all of us. In addition, most of the world was preparing to embrace the memory of September 11th the next day.
Sometimes you just have to surrender…
I felt heavy all morning. I was emotionally stuck. I certainly had a lot on my daily agenda, but I was not moving through things and it was starting to really annoy me. It had dawned on me that I was emotionally “full.” I had too many emotions flowing in and out of my mind, my heart, and I wasn’t a superhero that could just shed them, so I had to surrender to them. This is hard for a strong person like me. Running to the white flag and holding it up isn’t my go to move. However, I had to just surrender. Surrendering is never easy, but it is an emotional necessity.
There is strength in surrendering…
Surrendering to emotional strongholds is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength. You do have to walk through emotional anguish, emotional heaviness, and pain. You cannot walk around it thinking avoidance will set you free. That is a false belief. There comes a time when you have to just “be” and let all of the sadness, confusion, anger, letdown, and pain flow right through your heart so you can begin to understand what it is you are processing. Most of us do not like to feel our heart heavy, but I believe it is because we do not want to uncover the root of the heaviness.
Uncovering the root…
When I finally took a long time out yesterday, after processing the recent news of my high-school sweetheart, I was able to grab ahold of what I was feeling. I was feeling helpless. For someone who has a rescue mentality, this is a very tough thing to work through. I wanted to help, to rescue, to defend, and to support and all I could do was read the newsfeeds and post a status saying “my heart is heavy.” Once I took the time to process the root of the heaviness, I was able to work through it with a level of peace.
Giving yourself permission…
You are justified to feel how you need to feel. One might judge me for feeling so emotionally distraught for someone I once knew and seldom speak to as an adult. I gave myself permission to feel for him and the situation at any level I needed to feel it. I gave myself permission to drop into quiet moments through my mother’s birthday and cry when I needed to. There is no “time stamp” on pain. There are no rules or regulations on what you should feel or when you should feel it. Give yourself permission to mourn your emotional heaviness any way you need to with the one exception of actually walking through it and not around it. If you cannot give yourself permission….then I am personally giving it to you right now.
So how can you work through emotional heaviness? Here are my tips!
- Surrender to the heaviness
- Accept there is strength in surrender
- Take the time to uncover the root of the heaviness
- Give yourself permission to feel it
Well, my friend, there you have it! As women, we tend to want to bounce back fast to show our warrior strength, but please remember there is such strength in surrender.