Have you ever done something and thought “Oh Crap that was not my brightest move”? Just recently I was at the beach and had heels on. Well I decided I was getting out of the car and walking down to the water’s edge. Every step I took I sank into the sand. I was cracking up at myself thinking people probably think I am nuts but I had fun. When I got home I took the shoes off and wiped off the sand. Easy right? Then why do we constantly beat ourselves up for every little thing we do that we perceive as not our brightest move?
I was wondering how I can share this experience; it seems so relevant in all that we do. What could this possibly mean… DUH!!! With all the abuse we do to ourselves from listening to that voice that so loves to put us down, why can’t we just wipe it away just like the shoe? Why not? What is funny is IF a friend treated us the way we treat ourselves we would walk away at least I know I would.
I have wondered why I beat myself up so. It is a learned habit – something we can notice and let go, without acting on it or believing it. It has been seven years on my journey to figure this out. I still get caught up in the mind chatter where I believe I am *caca* and not worthy of anything. I do catch myself and bring myself right back into the moment.
I was working on my business a long time ago and realized it was just a hobby that had zero results. I was banging my head into the wall and so mean to myself. I was just starting out and I believed the hype “As long as you follow your passion success is right around that corner”. You see, what I figured out was that right around the corner was a couple of years later.
Inspired action, listening to my higher self/the universe/god as well as learning to tune into my body and understand what it is saying to me. All of these plus my community had me moving forward taking great leaps. As many great leaps as I took there were quite a few falls and hard falls at that. Some had me doubting myself, my business and all I have been working for.
Sometimes giving up was the only option, instead I would give myself a break and then forge ahead. This last time I stopped everything, I really thought “This is it – I cannot do this anymore!” I started asking questions and the more I asked the more people were put in my path to show me the way. At times I was ready to give in completely and was utterly drained, nothing left to give anyone or myself, for that matter. It was at that pivotal moment that my strength came through and the ability to slowly stand came back. I learned that what I thought I was supposed to be doing was not even close.
As I started to learn about myself, even more I realized that some of the gifts I had hidden even from myself were the gifts I am able to use to help others. Instead of embracing it, at first I thought I was going kuku for coco puffs. How can I stand there and say “Yes, I feel your pain in my body, and by the way I sometimes talk to your deceased ones.” Well isn’t that just fun. Not what I had anticipated for myself. I started to embrace it and learn all about energy. Some of it I feel is a little out in left field but I will prevail and these other gifts will come forth.
People will either love me or leave me as long as I love myself it matters not what others think. I say that now and do realize sometimes the fears come back. Fear of having nobody in my life, fear of rejection, fear of failure, and fear of being ridiculed and criticized – the list goes on.
The moral to the story? Take off the shoes and wipe away the sand. It was not my brightest move but I had FUN and it was an experience that I wanted to share with you.
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