Finding The Path To Utopia
It was 1983 and I, a bright-eyed Year 12 student, sat in an English classroom excited by the prospects of my future. Our theme for study was “The World Of Tomorrow” and at that time Barry Jones, an Australian polymath, lawyer, writer and social activist, expounded a future of job sharing and abundant leisure time. I mused on what I would do with all of this leisure time and created a clear vision for an exciting future. I was fortunate that my vision came true. I went to university to study teaching and life was a blast. In fact, it was like a scene from the movie “Fame” – performing, studying and hanging out with the best of friends. Life was a party and youthful exuberance filled our lives.
Fast-forward to the end of 2012 and I was a single parent, overweight, overworked and exhausted. Well, I was job sharing, however, instead of an abundance of leisure time, I was getting paid for four days a week and working six. My life did not look the brochure at all and I was feeling like a failure! Wasn't I meant to be a super mum with a body to die for, immaculate hair and makeup, and dressed beautifully every day? Wasn't I meant to be in a fulfilling relationship and have a fabulous money making career? What had gone wrong?
I had lost my way and I knew something had to change, so in 2013 I took leave without pay from my teaching position and it became what I called my “Eat, Pray, Love” year. A year of eating well, exploring my soul and falling in love with myself, something I had never really had done before. To my surprise an unexpected thing happened on this journey.
The pieces of my life started to come together. The funny thing was I didn’t become rich, I didn’t find a man, I didn’t become extraordinarily thin, and I didn’t go on extravagant holidays or get a fancy new car. What I did get, was much more valuable than all of these things put together. It turned out to be a year of spiritual awakening, something I now refer to as the discovery of my Utopia.
Whilst doing some research for the book I am currently writing about my journey, I looked up the meaning of Utopia. One definition that stood out for me was the one given by the Urban Dictionary, which states that Utopia is “a theoretical ‘perfect’ realm, in which everyone is content, where things get done well by people who are happy to do them, and where all the problems which have plagued our world for millennia no longer apply.” The definition is completed with the statement “Whoever came up with the idea was drunk, stoned, tripping or insane. Maybe all four.”
I particularly liked this definition because it not only states that Utopia is “theoretical” but also alludes to the reality, that a state of perfection, in the traditional sense of the word, is unrealistic and unattainable.
So if I didn’t discover Utopia in the traditional sense, then what did I discover? I discovered a way of thinking, feeling and being that accepts that life is not perfect. The Utopian life, which I refer to, does not aspire to mimic the ones they try to sell you on T.V., in magazines or in the media. It is a world, which still includes mistakes, failures, mis-attempts and sadness, but surprisingly it is one of absolute happiness, joyful endeavour and inner peace. Some of you might be feeling slightly uncomfortable right now. “I can’t have what I want?” Of course you can. My desire for all of the trappings of life has not waned but the journey to achieving them is much happier and I now pursue them knowing that I deserve these rewards just as much as the next person.
My Top Tips For Finding “Your” Utopia
Holistic Well-Being Is The Key To A Long And Happy Life
It is when all of the areas – career, finance, family, love, spirituality, contribution, personal growth, leisure, health and purpose – are in balance we experience the real juice of life. When one or more of these areas of our lives are out of balance, life’s journey tends to get a bit bumpy. What does your wheel of life look like?
Remove The Weeds From The Garden Of Your Mind
The biggest transformation that took place for me was that of my mind-set. Being a self-development junkie, of course I had heard the phrase “Change your mind, change your life” but its meaning alluded me. For the first time I now understood that reality was a mere illusion and all that I believed and valued was just perception. This understanding gave me the power to change what I believed any time I wanted. I began to accept the only thing that I could control was my own actions and feelings. I could choose how I reacted to situations and I often used the phrase “What else could this mean?” I was able to challenge my negative inner voices and see the past events that had been holding me back, in a new, more empowering light. By also using more empowering language, I could also change the way I reacted in a given situation. For example, I changed words such as “angry” to “mildly annoyed” or “happy” to “ecstatic” to either dial back an unwanted state or amplify a desired feeling.
Gratitude is The Key To Abundance
I learnt what it meant to be truly abundant by being thankful for all that I had and all that I was. I embraced the joy of being able to wake up in the morning and witness the miracle of the sun rising, the rain falling and the wind blowing across my face. Instead of complaining about not having the latest furniture, I thanked the Universe for the privilege of having any furniture at all, for many do not. Instead of complaining of all the things I didn’t have, I thanked the Universe for the small things that many take for granted. When I was able to start from this position, any thing more meant I had more than I needed.
Be The Best Version Of Yourself – Optimum Health and Time For Self
When travelling on an aircraft, you are told to put on your oxygen mask first before helping others and this is same in life. What can you offer your family or others if you are ill or perhaps not even alive? By eating a diet low in processed foods and high in nutrients, exercising regularly and spending time with self (meditating for 20 minutes, three times per week) I discovered a new sense of energy and mental clarity.
The difference two months of holistic well-being can make.
Also taking time for myself away from work and family commitments was imperative. Small things like showering first and getting myself ready in the morning and having breakfast before waking my son, ensured that I was not rushing off to school drop off or work feeling less than my best and hungry because I had put myself last. I also made sure I had time to do the things I loved. I took up painting again. Something I had dabbled with but never had the confidence to pursue.
Perfection Is A Fruitless Endeavour
The life of a perfectionist is one of anxiety and overwhelm because for a perfectionist nothing is ever finished. As a recovering perfectionist I now use the mantra “Perfect in it’s imperfection.” When completing tasks, I create standards for completion so I know when things are finished.
Live Life Beyond Your Comfort Zone
The walls we build around ourselves through our beliefs and values systems stop us from getting the most out of life. I spent many years too scared to go and do the things I really wanted to do but by going out of my comfort zone and walking on hot coals, I was able to create a metaphor for my life. “If I can walk on hot coals, I can do anything.” This was about nine years ago now but every few years I create a new challenge for myself. I am not a fan of heights so I have climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge and went on The Edge Experience, a glass box with a glass floor, which comes out from the side of a very tall building.
A Small Exercise – Imagine you are in a dark room and in the middle of the room is a spot light shining on a vase containing a rose (your comfort zone). You are happy looking at the rose as it is so beautiful and it smells so good but now imagine someone turns on the light in the room and you can see a room full of different varieties of flowers – sunflowers, petunias, lilies, violets, the list goes on (this is your life outside your comfort zone). If you don’t take the risk to step out of your comfort zone, you will never discover the beauty of what is beyond it.
Love Is The Answer
Learning to love myself was an important step in the transformation process. All of our subconscious thoughts send out energy to others and the message I was sending out was that I didn’t deserved to be loved. By learning to love myself, I gave permission for others to love me also.
Busyness Does Not Get You Closer To Your Goals
Let’s face it, if you want to be busy you can find endless amounts of things to do and I had fallen into this trap. I was busy but not getting any closer to living the life of my dreams. All being busy did was just make me busy. Writing down everything I did in my day-to-day activities and analyzing the things that were taking up my time, was surprising. Instead each night before going to bed, I wrote down what my perfect “tomorrow” was going to look like. I included three actions that were going to get me closer to the life of my dreams and that were congruent with my beliefs and values.
Enrich Your Soul
For me I got, and still get, great joy by spending time in my week reading something that enriches my soul. It could be something to do with personal development, a novel I always wanted to read or maybe something to do with a new skill I wanted to learn.
Do For Others What They Cannot Do For Themselves And Accepting Help When You Cannot Do Something For Yourself
I have found a lot of joy in being able to help others in areas where they cannot help themselves. For me it was usually in the area of graphic design or simple websites (something totally out of my normal day to day life but a skill I had acquired over time). It was something I loved to do and found easy, so it was a win, win situation. It was also important to accept the same kindness from others. They too deserved the same feeling of joy.
Live A Life Of Purposeful Endeavour – Create A Clear Vision
My first personal development event was about nine years ago and we were given a formula for coming up with our life’s purpose. I cried as I read it out because it just didn’t feel right. I felt passionless about it. Clarifying a purpose and by creating a vision that was congruent with my beliefs and values in my year off, changed everything for me. I now know what I had been put on this earth to do – to help women transform their lives into ones of holistic well-being.
Create A Powerful Peer Group
You can’t choose your family but you can choose a powerful peer group who will support you in your endeavours. I have been so lucky to gather a wonderful, positive and enlightened group of peers to travel this journey of life with me. They are my very best cheerleaders who always encourage me to reach higher than I ever thought possible.
About the author
Alison is a teacher, peak performance coach, author and speaker. She is passionate about holistic well-being and is driven to helping women create happy, healthy and abundant lives.
