There are many miracle moments in our life where we may experience a big breakthrough. These may be labeled in different ways and given different names. Here are some examples:
- An “Aha!” moment
- Having an epiphany moment
- Having an awakening moment; and
- Falling in love moments
That Love Series moment
It was a hot summers day. That afternoon, I had just finished working with a private tuition client of mine. I was sitting alone at a table in a popular Chinese restaurant in West London. There was a moment when I was looking around in this restaurant, noticing the different relationships. There were couples that were in the early stages of their relationship, lightly touching hands. Friends out, catching up. Families enjoying spending time with each other. And then there was me, dining on my own. A smile crept upon my face, as I was feeling happy and full. I am not referring to the Chinese food that I had just eaten; I was referring to being happy with my own company.
“We live in a society of attachment”
It is a human characteristic to want to be social. It is a natural tendency for us, like in the animal kingdom, to want to couple up. We hear it in romantic ballads being played on the radio. We are even asked social settings questions like, “What does your partner do?” So much that it can feel uncomfortable for some, the status of being a singleton. Talking about that last phrase, I remember reading an article in the UK newspaper stating how singletons are sometimes being discriminated against. I have been in that boat, where I have dreaded being a single.
“Some common reasons why people do not like being being single!”
There are many reasons why some people may dread being single. Here are some, do you recognize these feelings?
1. They enjoy intimacy. This includes emotional intimacy, not just sexual intimacy.
2. They dread being asked the question at a social setting, “So who are you seeing?” Question: did you watch the episode of Sex and The City, where the character of Miranda turned this awkward question around and made it funny?
3. People may start to judge a person’s sexuality, or may feel that a person is asexual. Yes, I had people jokingly say to me after beginning a relationship, “there was a time when I thought you may be a lesbian”. In my opinion love is love. Who am I to judge someone for being in love with the same sex.
4. People want to mate. They may want to start a family.
5. Security is often a common reason why many want to remain in a relationship. This can include feeling confident about themselves, as well as money. So if I left that partner then I will not have this lifestyle.
6. Following on from this previous point, needing to have someone there who can do the handy stuff around the house. [At the time of writing this, my bedroom drawers have collapsed. Yes, I did think about how handy it is to have a person who enjoys D.I.Y]
7. As a couple, there will be routines. This can include going out for dinner, activities over the weekend. For people who have been a couple for sometime there may be the fear of, “So what do I do with myself now”
“S.I.P: Single Important Person”
One of my major discoveries that gave me my epiphany was that, like most people, I am an individual with many different facets. There were some elements that I had not discovered yet. That is the thing about being in a relationship sometimes; you may easily be identifying yourself as one whole unit.
Question: How about you as an individual? Who are you?
I have often heard, and even had a discussion at a bar once with a guy who I just met, about how coming out of a relationship we get the opportunity to really discover ourselves. In one of my long-term relationships, some of my passions got buried. I discovered new things when it ended. One of the big big big big lessons was learning to love myself first. For the longest time, I really believed that being in a relationship, having someone ‘love me’ was how to find love. No, it was finding out what were my passions and likes, realizing that I *am* love. I am a single important person.
“How can you love another person, if you do not love yourself”
5 tips for starting your own love affair with you
1. Accept your vulnerabilities and flaws. We are human; it is those challenging stories that help us to connect with others.
2. You come from the love source.
3. Start having date nights with yourself. This is where you choose one night, where you may pamper yourself or even watching a movie.
4. Start discovering and getting involved with groups linked to your passions. Meetup is one website where you can list preferences. On social media, you can join communities. I have made some good friends via Twitter and FaceBook.
5. Be kind to yourself. Refrain from using negative sentences.
People are more attracted to people who can laugh at themselves, show their vulnerability.
Question: Do you fear being in your own company?
