Embracing the Feminine
Aren’t men and women funny creatures? We spend so much of our lives arguing over who is the greater or stronger or most important sex. Who is right, who is wrong. We don’t understand them; they simply don’t get us, so they must be wrong….right? We fight for equality in the workplace, in the home, in law and society. Men are often branded “sexist” or misogynistic yet a woman who fights for women’s rights is typically labeled “feminist”. So – putting all the crap aside over who can or can’t give birth or who’s the better driver – how about I suggest this: men and women are equal.
We are all universally equal, whatever your hierarchy in the workplace, your social status or gender. We can argue until we are blue in the face but it is an argument that neither sex will win because we can’t argue with the universe! I am not saying that we are always treated equally or always viewed as equals within society but in the eyes of the universe – which is much bigger than society can ever be – we are. Our disputes lie in the fact that we are different.
So what does it mean to be “masculine”? Think hard and forceful, intense and strong. Think scientific, logical and mathematically minded. Think linear and direct. The masculine is typically focused, motivated, good at problem solving, results driven and goal oriented. The masculine is about having a purpose and seeking clarity. Think systems. Think boundaries and rules. Think control, dominance, willpower and competition. Think war, combat and fight. These are all characteristic of the masculine archetype.
The feminine is the polar opposite. The feminine is soft, yielding, open and receptive. It is emotional and unpredictable. It is creative, artistic and expressive. The feminine is chaotic, procreative, caring and loving. The feminine is all about the body – softness, curves, touch and pleasure. Women have an extra layer of fat than men for a reason: we are the nourishers, the nurturers; we grow and deliver life.
If any of these attributes resonate with you, think about how much time you have spent in conflict with them. How many years have you been at war with your curves, trying to fight what is physiologically natural? How often have you been criticised for being too emotional, particularly by a partner? How many times have you judged another woman – or yourself – for losing control, for showing emotion or instability?
Neither archetype is right or wrong and neither am I describing how a man or woman should be. If you’re recognising some of your own traits from the masculine then don’t be alarmed because every human being has a masculine (left) and feminine (right) brain. Yes, it may sound strange but it’s true! If you think about it, we come from a sperm and an egg – the masculine and feminine – so it makes sense that our brain would be split between the two. The “average” woman will predominantly function from the right and the “average” male from the left. If you’re more left than right, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this either. Maybe you’re very left-brain at work and right-brain when in mum / wife / friend mode? There are no rules as to how much of us should function from the masculine and how much should function from the feminine. The point is these distinctions can help us to better understand behaviours, our needs and how we interpret and deal with life and relationships; the more understanding we are, the more accepting we can be of ourselves and others.
Perhaps of most significance is the relationship with our body and self. The field of nutrition is heavily masculinised. Counting calories, weighing ourselves, taking measurements and BMI i.e. numbers, numbers, numbers = masculine. The way we punish ourselves with rigorous exercise, pushing our bodies to the limit, trying to hit a goal, trying to “harden” our bodies with muscle = masculine. Comparing ourselves to and competing with other women = masculine. Controlling what we eat and having the willpower to resist our cravings = masculine. Food as a science = masculine. These strategies are more likely to work for men because they fit with the masculine left brain from which the average man will predominantly function. But they are seldom long-term sustainable solutions for women because they heavily contradict the feminine right-brain.
Maybe you have followed weight loss programmes that use masculine-based approaches – e.g. calorie restriction, food deprivation, using competition and reward as motivation, setting goals, following regimented and linear eating habits – and have succeeded in losing weight in the short-term only to regain the weight in the long-term? I can think of many women who eat healthily – quite possibly restricting their calories – exercise regularly and for years have managed to sustain their weight. But I bet for most of you who have followed these programmes and have lost weight, you have struggled to keep the weight off. There are so many factors that affect weight gain and weight loss that calorie restriction and exercise alone simply cannot address. Compared to the masculine the feminine is very free-spirited but these methods are not free spirited at all. They go against the very essence of what the feminine is all about: food and pleasure and pleasure from food. So is it any wonder that for many women, years spent living by these principles simply hasn’t worked?
We need to reclaim the feminine and develop strategies that work for us on a deeper, richer and more emotional level. Strategies that teach us to love food and love our bodies, none of which can be achieved by following masculine principles and ideology. We need to choose exercise that embodies not punishes, and eat with pleasure and nourishment, not fear and guilt.
Culture and society have been shaped by masculine attitudes and beliefs. We have been conditioned to believe we need to step into the masculine to succeed, creating shame around our inherently feminine traits. Creating fear and anxiety around what we eat and our bodies. The masculine and feminine are polar opposites and now we need to acknowledge and accept this. Recognise that while we may function from our masculine brain we are still women and so are intrinsically different. Lets reconnect with the feminine in us, embrace it and celebrate it.
About the author
Michelle Catanach is an Eating Psychology & Body Transformation Coach passionate about helping women to break free from the emotional, social and cultural conditioning that has shaped their relationship with self, body and food so that they can live a happier, healthier life. She uses mind-body nutrition and eating psychology to explore the factors that are driving her clients food, body and weight issues, giving them the tools & strategies to face their fears, overcome unwanted eating challenges, let go of destructive behaviours and practices around body and food and to create the inner shifts for natural weight loss and body confidence.
For those fed up with body, weight and food challenges controlling their life, Michelle has developed a 21-Day Soul Nourishment programme to reconnect you with your mind and body, help you feel more at ease with your food and health challenges PLUS feel amazing, healthy, reenergised & in a more loving and accepting relationship with your body.
Visit Michelle’s website www.michellecatanach.com to learn more and grab her free 5 Secrets to Look & Feel Fabulous Without Dieting eBook. She can also be found on Facebook.
