Women aren’t the only ones with trust issues and men aren’t the only ones who cheat on their partners. Regardless of sex, it happens to the best of us. The only difference is the reaction of the two sexes when it comes to being cheated on.
The majority of men are willing to look past an affair committed against them and some even want to save their relationship. The story is a bit different for women. Most women can’t look past being cheated upon and an affair is a sure reason for them to end their relationship.
If you are currently dating a guy who has a history with an unfaithful partner, you are dealing with someone who may have some serious trust issues. That alone is kind of hard to work around— he is easily wary about dating women because of his experience. He’ll be unlike any other you have dated. He’ll be full of insecurities and he may show you some behavior that may be hard for you to understand. But if you truly like him and hope that things will work out between the two of you, then you have to do things that will make trust a non-issue.
So how do you date a guy who’s been cheated on? Earning his trust is the only first step. A man with trust issues breeds insecurities, jealousy, and paranoia. If you reversed the situation, what would you want the man you are dating to do in order to make you feel secure with him? Although it may seem that you have to do plenty of things explicitly to instill trust, unfortunately it is the only thing you can do. And if he lets you in, it’s just going to be totally worth it because he’ll only break down his walls for someone worthy of his trust.
A man who had an unfaithful partner will tend to have a deflated ego. He was left for another man and is probably questioning whether anything’s wrong with him and why he may not have been able to give his previous partner everything she needs. Although his personal ego is his own issues, there are some things that you can help in improving his self-worth. Make him realize that the fault doesn’t lie with him. Find out what he’s great at or really passionate about and ask him to do it with you so he can earn his confidence back because someone appreciates him for what he is capable of— he doesn’t have to prove a lot to you.
Although you can give him the “I won’t cheat on you like your ex did” speech, it takes more than words to convince him. Actions do speak louder than words. Simply don’t give him any reason to doubt you. Introduce him to your circle so he doesn’t go questioning the people around you and what your relationship with them is. If he feels included, he won’t start thinking that you are trying to hide anything (or anyone) from him.
He might start asking you why you don’t reply to his text message immediately, or why you didn’t tell him what you were up to last time, or who was that guy that said hi to you. Although it may take a toll on your nerves, just remember that you can be that way too with a man you are dating, whether you’ve been cheated on or not. Your patience will go a long way in dispelling any paranoia he may have over whether he can trust you or not. He may be generally not clingy, so as long as you assuage his trust issues by being truthful with everything you say or do, chances are they won’t nag you about it.
If you think that it’s too much work to be around a guy who can’t trust you, then probably he’s not really worth it for you. Because if you really want him and his commitment, it will not be much of an effort for you to communicate your feelings.