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Dating a Man with Trust Issues

Dating a Man with Trust Issues

Women aren’t the only ones with trust issues and men aren’t the only ones who cheat on their partners. Regardless of sex, it happens to the best of us. The only difference is the reaction of the two sexes when it comes to being cheated on.

The majority of men are willing to look past an affair committed against them and some even want to save their relationship. The story is a bit different for women. Most women can’t look past being cheated upon and an affair is a sure reason for them to end their relationship.

If you are currently dating a guy who has a history with an unfaithful partner, you are dealing with someone who may have some serious trust issues. That alone is kind of hard to work around— he is easily wary about dating women because of his experience. He’ll be unlike any other you have dated. He’ll be full of insecurities and he may show you some behavior that may be hard for you to understand. But if you truly like him and hope that things will work out between the two of you, then you have to do things that will make trust a non-issue.

So how do you date a guy who’s been cheated on? Earning his trust is the only first step. A man with trust issues breeds insecurities, jealousy, and paranoia. If you reversed the situation, what would you want the man you are dating to do in order to make you feel secure with him? Although it may seem that you have to do plenty of things explicitly to instill trust, unfortunately it is the only thing you can do. And if he lets you in, it’s just going to be totally worth it because he’ll only break down his walls for someone worthy of his trust.

His insecurities

A man who had an unfaithful partner will tend to have a deflated ego. He was left for another man and is probably questioning whether anything’s wrong with him and why he may not have been able to give his previous partner everything she needs. Although his personal ego is his own issues, there are some things that you can help in improving his self-worth. Make him realize that the fault doesn’t lie with him. Find out what he’s great at or really passionate about and ask him to do it with you so he can earn his confidence back because someone appreciates him for what he is capable of— he doesn’t have to prove a lot to you.

His jealousy

Although you can give him the “I won’t cheat on you like your ex did” speech, it takes more than words to convince him. Actions do speak louder than words. Simply don’t give him any reason to doubt you. Introduce him to your circle so he doesn’t go questioning the people around you and what your relationship with them is. If he feels included, he won’t start thinking that you are trying to hide anything (or anyone) from him.

His paranoia

He might start asking you why you don’t reply to his text message immediately, or why you didn’t tell him what you were up to last time, or who was that guy that said hi to you. Although it may take a toll on your nerves, just remember that you can be that way too with a man you are dating, whether you’ve been cheated on or not. Your patience will go a long way in dispelling any paranoia he may have over whether he can trust you or not. He may be generally not clingy, so as long as you assuage his trust issues by being truthful with everything you say or do, chances are they won’t nag you about it.

If you think that it’s too much work to be around a guy who can’t trust you, then probably he’s not really worth it for you. Because if you really want him and his commitment, it will not be much of an effort for you to communicate your feelings.

Samantha Jayne is a Relationship Expert, Dating Coach, Matchmaker, Author, Speaker and founder of Australia's most exclusive dating agency, Blue Label Life.

Samantha is THE expert in rescuing professional singles looking for love. With Blue Label Life’s incredible 92% success rate in establishing long term relationships. She is also founder of Make Men Commit, a website for women to bring out their inner goddess within and snare the man of their dreams!

Samantha brings a fresh and honest approach to the world of dating advice, “When it comes to Love, be open, positive and expect the unexpected”.
Pick up your copy of Samantha's e-book How to Make a Man Commit: Your ultimate guide to capturing the man of your dreams AND keeping him" today.

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8 Comments

  1. Julie

    I Love this. I’m dating a man who has admitted he can’t trush women and it’s because of his past. His interactions with said women. I wonder why a man would even mess with a married woman or a woman with a bf if they inherit this attitude which in return, causes every woman after the fact to have to pay. However, he is very much worth it. And I’m willing to make the committment and stand the test of time to break down those walls. Didn’t realize how sensitive (insecure) he really is until his paranoia caused him to get upset with me for not responding to a text.It was a great learning tool. I can help make him feel more comfortable, bridge that gap, and hopefully, one day he can and will trust me. This article just added to my repertoire. 🙂 Many blessings to you.

    Reply
    • John

      I am a guy with major trust issues. It started by being teased by girls when I was 10-16 years old, and culminated by my wife cheating on me and filing for divorce after 14 years of marriage. I don’t think guys like me should be dating at all until they resolve their issues. Ladies – this is his issue, not yours. You shouldn’t have to jump through hoops to prove to him you’ll be faithful. He probably won’t believe you anyway. It’s better to wish him well and cut him loose. I know I’ll never consider being friendly to a woman again, and I feel better than I have in a long time.

      Reply
      • Samantha Jayne

        John,
        That is such great insight. Thank you for sharing.

        Reply
    • Samantha Jayne

      Hi Julie,

      Thank you for your comments. I really appreciate them. I’m so glad the article was helpful to you. Your man is very lucky to have such a caring woman in his life. Take care, Samantha Jayne 🙂

      Reply
  2. Larissa Danielson

    I’m about 4 months pregnant wit my boyfriend…he has major trust issues because of his past. I tell him always what I’m doin almost to the hour..the other day I drove him to work n his drove my car, I came home got ready and in the mean time u texted me to see how my morning was. I was busy n forgot he texted me n didn’t reply tell I got to work n he tested me saying no love today? N remember I didn’t text him back..but before heading to work I noticed my key was bent n now he thinks some big guy was in my car n bent my key n that’s y I didn’t text him..I don’t get it..I told him about three times exactly what I did that morning n he still questioning me…you think I would do something when I’m caring his baby or why would someone want anything to do wit my pregnant ass. This is making me so mad, if I didn’t love him I wouldn’t be having his baby…how do I gain his trust even tho I havnt done anything?? It’s not fair..please help I need advice

    Reply
  3. roy

    Hi, I have been cheated on almost all my life, I’m 43 years old and have ruined many relationships due to my trust issues. I am my own worst enemy, I recently got married to a beautiful woman who took my heart. I know I have problems, I know I cause my wife pain and I don’t know how to stop my thoughts. My wife is an awesome, gorgeous woman and my best friend. She does not deserve what I put her threw. I have started up counseling and hope it works. I could use advice from others that have gone threw this problem ( on both sides ).

    Reply
  4. Lj

    I’m 25. I like to have more than one girl to sleep with but I am against when they see other men. What does this say about me and how can I fix it?

    Reply
  5. Donna

    Being patient and assisting him in recovering from his insecurities, trust issues and paranoia in the beginning of the relationship is understandable. But after 15 months and no reason whatsoever to distrust me, if he is still angry about timely texts and phone call returns no matter the valid reasons, still obsessing about your whereabouts, clinging and needing constant attention and reassurance, trying to isolate you from family and friends, keeping you away from anywhere there may be men i.e. Car inspections, auto store, controlling your movements, trying to control how you dress, speak, act and constant accusations with the implications of being with men then at some point you will take it as an attack on your integrity and character. I think I was extremely patient for 15 months but everyone has their limits no matter how much love you feel. I saw it as a lifetime of pain.

    Reply

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