Seven Tips for Getting Back in the Dating Saddle
Is this you? You've recently rejoined the dating arena and are confused and a little bit intimidated about all the whats, whos, wheres and hows about getting back in the dating saddle again? Maybe you have been in a long term relationship that has ended for whatever reason and have now decided its time to dip your toe in the water again? But you find that the dating scene that you were accustomed to when you were last out there has changed dramatically and you're feeling overwhelmed, lost and on the point of giving up?
Don't despair, we've put together these Top 7 Dating Tips to get you back on that ol' pony in no time and have a lot of fun in the process!
- Variety is the spice – you don't have to find the next love of your life the first time you go on a date. Realistically, it is going to take you a few dates with a few different men to find out what you really want this time around. I mean, it's more than likely that the dating days you remember, by definition you were much younger and less wise than you are now. You now have the benefit of experience and making what you really want in a relationship a priority.
- Makin’ a list – if you don't know what you are looking for in a man, how on earth will you recognise it when you see it? Make a list of the most desirable qualities you want in a new partner. Be as specific as possible, and break it down into the “Not Negotiable”, “Nice to Have but Not Essential”, “In My Dreams” and so on, categories. Once you have set this list up, then burn it – yes, that's right! The purpose of the list is to inform your RAS (or reticular activating system if you don't like acronyms) of what you can subconsciously start focusing on. It's your brain's sorting mechanism and you really only need to give it a little guidance to get it working for you. However, if you keep that list and start consciously measuring every prospective date against it, you will end up with more stress than you can handle and more lonely nights than you can take. Trust that guidance system of yours and forget about it.
- Press the flesh – if you find yourself meeting men online and having quasi-romances and flirtations without actually getting out there in the real world – Stop! It's all very well to fall in lust with someone's profile (and online profiles are just fluffy marketing at the end of the day) but at some stage you are going to have to meet the person in the flesh. There is so much more that goes on in physical space when you meet someone in person, your brain has cues and numerous senses to rely on that is just impossible to tell from cyberspace. Give it a chance.
- Safety in numbers – if you feel really nervous about dating one-on-one, then try a speed-dating event. Go into the event with the attitude of having some fun, without any expectations apart from having a blast, and use it as a learning environment. Once you take the pressure off yourself you will relax and be more natural and authentic. And worse case is you'll get to meet a whole new bunch of people.
- Failure is not an option – if you have a habit of beating yourself up for not succeeding with everything you try that's new, you've really missed the point. Unless you give yourself permission to not get it right, then you will be in a constant state of stress and not be putting your best foot forward. Every new day above ground is a successful day in my book – so start each day with the attitude and intention of learning something new.
- It’s not about the boy – some women will go out dating and beat themselves up because their date didn't go so well. Maybe there was no chemistry, the date was boring, or you felt like you weren't interesting enough. Stop making dating about the other person. This is your time to try on different people and see if they fit, and if they don't – Next! Don't feel like you have to please everyone and be the object of desire for every date you go on. The reality is, that some people will be a match to your energy, and others will not be. Some may try to press you into starting intimacy before you have finished the salad, so you really need to listen to your internal guidance system and realise that it's okay not to make every date into a blinding success. Make it about what you want, what you enjoy and don't ever feel bad about ending a bad date early if you need to.
- Relax – When you are relaxed and not tied to an outcome at all costs, you will be able to relax into this new phase. Look after yourself, pamper yourself and make sure you understand how special you are and then treat yourself so. Banish negative self-talk (which takes practice if it's a habit but it can be done!) When you are relaxed, you are more confident. When you are more confident, you can tackle so much more when hurdles appear. When you are confident, you exude an irresistible enigma that attracts potential partners like bees to a hive. Make it a priority to accelerate your confidence, and smile – you are in for the time of your life!
I'd love to hear from you if you put any of these tips into practice, or perhaps you have your own tips that will help our readers – if so, step up and let us know by submitting a comment below!
About the author
Estelle is the Editor & Founder of Smart Healthy Women Mag. She is an expert Coach, Author and Speaker. She is passionate about providing her readers with successful strategies for realising a life of purpose, meaning and fulfilment using the best in change tools and believes that by reaching their potential, everyone can make the world a better place.
