When You’re Not Getting the Commitment You Want
How to handle a fading romance.
Some relationships last, some don’t. The latter is a painful reality for some. How do you truly deal when your relationship situation turns sour?
How to tell he’s not as committed as he was before.
For a while, everything seemed to be going so well. He makes you feel good about yourself and about your relationship. What you had seemed like the real thing. Then you start to notice subtle changes which eventually become full-blown telltale signs that your relationship is going downhill. For starters, he doesn’t call or text you as much as he used to. His responses are getting shorter and more withdrawn. You then begin to hear plenty of excuses why he can’t spend time with you. His romantic gestures are getting sparse. He is less intimate with you when you’re together. Suddenly, the magic isn’t there anymore. And you clearly understand that something’s wrong but you can’t seem to put your finger on it.
How to go on about it.
You can’t go on living in the shadow of what your relationship used to be. You have to know where things truly stand between you and your man. If he’s not saying anything, it’s either of two things. One, he’s waiting for you to break the ice. Or two, he just doesn’t have the courage to bring his feelings out in the open. So how can you really get him to talk about it?
Some women make the mistake of dropping the bomb on their partners immediately. Well, a more subtle approach is the better option ladies. If you ‘attack’ your man about why he’s suddenly changed, they can get defensive or worse, passive aggressive. Either way, you shove the real issue aside and end up arguing and bickering. Clearly, those don’t resolve any of your problems.
You have to bring up your concerns gently. You have to express how you feel without accusing him of anything. If he’s the kind to talk, he’ll likely tell you the real score. But if shrugs it off and dismisses you, then clearly he’s becoming emotionally distant. If he truly cares about you, he’d do something to quell your doubts and start making an effort to gain your trust and affection again.
Who’s to blame?
You’re torn between blaming yourself or your partner. It isn’t really yours or his fault that your relationship capsized. Instead of looking for a corner to stash your blame, why don’t you out that effort into really looking at what caused the breakdown of your commitment and address that so you can grow from your situation?
Chances are, your level of commitment for each other was not on the same level. Over the course of relationship, as you begin to know more about yourself in that context and you learn about the things you truly want. Unfortunately for some couples, the find out that they are heading in opposite directions in their personal lives. No matter how much effort you exert to force the relationship to work, it isn’t really practical. You know you’d end up with more resentment than you started with. Your life will become filled with so much hatred and bitterness that it begins to seep into other aspects of your life. It’s just plain unhealthy and you know better than to remain in a destructive relationship.
Moving on.
Easier said than done. But why stay in a committed relationship that is only loosely held on a half-end by you? Why keep yourself from the happiness you truly desire? Instead of holding on to something who clearly doesn’t want to stay, hold on to yourself more. If you have tried to make things work but he isn’t, then you have to let go and focus more on yourself and on living your life.
You have to understand that letting go is not giving up. It is giving room for more things that will work in your life. Because when someone is truly right for you, they will be ready to give you the same commitment that you are willing to give and that you deserve. No point in settling for anything less.
About the author
Samantha Jayne is a Relationship Expert, Dating Coach, Matchmaker, Author, Speaker and founder of Samantha Jayne.
Samantha is THE expert in rescuing professional singles looking for love. With Blue Label Life’s incredible 92% success rate in establishing long term relationships. She is also founder of Make Men Commit, a website for women to bring out their inner goddess within and snare the man of their dreams!
Samantha brings a fresh and honest approach to the world of dating advice, “When it comes to Love, be open, positive and expect the unexpected”.
Pick up your copy of Samantha's e-book How to Make a Man Commit: Your ultimate guide to capturing the man of your dreams AND keeping him" today.
