In the first two parts of my Balance Journey Series I have covered how meditation and self-love helped me find my center, health and happiness.
Of course I would love to tell you that once I had adapted these strategies, the rest of my way to the finish line was a piece of cake. But it wasn't.
Turning my life around, breaking with old behavior patterns and renewing my belief system was the hardest thing I have ever done and more than once I just wanted to stop trying and give up.
For example, I once had a therapist who kept on digging in my past, trying to find out why I had become the troubled person I was. I can tell you, if I hadn't already been depressed I sure as hell would have become depressed.
In the end, I was feeling so bad and gloomy that this guy said he couldn't help me anymore and he sent me off to a psychiatrist who immediately took out his prescription pad.
I felt like a complete failure and shortly after decided to stop therapy. I just wanted to be left alone because nothing seemed to work anyway.
However, I kept on meditating, which slowly but surely changed my perspective. I was no longer focusing on my problems which I now know had only manifested my negative self-image.
Instead I focused on nourishing my soul, unconsciously realigning my body and mind along the way.
What first seemed like a huge setback turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Not only was I noticeably getting better, I was even doing it on my own!
This gave me such an incredible boost that I started to learn how to eat right and over time I stopped being depressed and I also stopped binge-eating and purging.
Until I got pregnant with my son. I had been trying to conceive for almost two years and I was over the moon when I heard I was expecting a child.
What I hadn't expected though was the impact all these hormones had on me. I was constantly hungry, I had the craziest cravings and I consumed incredible amounts of food.
As a result, I very quickly gained weight and I lost control over myself even faster.
One evening after a huge dinner, the only thing I could think of was my growing, seemingly huge belly. My husband wasn't at home and all of a sudden something which felt like the autopilot of my past took over and I went to the bathroom and purged.
Again, I felt like a complete failure.
I had been fine for so long. Why this relapse?
I felt awful for a couple of weeks and I lost the struggle with myself a few more times.
Deprecating thoughts about myself kept on coming back which easily could have started another round of “depression dominoes” for me, if I hadn't learned a certain mindfulness technique which is incredibly useful to put any kind of negativity going on in our head into perspective again.
I am actually still using this technique today.
Whenever something comes to mind that could drag me down, I take a leaf from Byron Katie and ask myself:
- Is this thought true?
- Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
- How do I react when I believe that thought?
- Who would I be without that thought?
I do this with each and every negative idea that pops into my head and most of the time I realize that things are never as bad as they seem.
I kept on putting one foot in front of the next during my pregnancy, successfully reinstated my balance and had no troubles whatsoever when I was carrying my second child.
I truly believe that we are born to fail every now and then. However, this does not mean we are born failures!
No matter how far we have already come or what is still lying in front of us, there will always be moments when we are thrown off balance.
This makes us human and it is definitely no reason to reason to simply give up and lose faith in ourselves.
As long as we keep that in mind we can actually use less fortunate episodes to fine-tune our goals, readjust our strategies and come out even stronger.
It is working for me and I see no reason whatsoever why it shouldn't be working for you, too!
Keep your eyes open for the next part of my series and let me know what you do to reinstate your balance in the comments below.
