How Real Self-Care Can Help You Receive So Much More This Year
As we stand at the threshold of another promising new year, something is uppermost in my mind. How can we really move closer to becoming the women we long to be this year? How can we live our lives in a way that allows us to be seen, heard and validated and live happier, healthier lives that we love?
If there’s one thing I know for sure it’s that – in your world – YOU are where the party is happening. By that I mean that you are the source of all the wondrous things you desire and the only thing that’s keeping you from all of it is your willingness to RECEIVE every single day so that it can make it’s way into your reality!
I’m a big fan of self-care. I’ve witnessed time and time again how dramatically it’s changed my life as well as the lives of hundreds of other women I have worked with over the years. These days we hear so much about self-care but what’s concerning is how often it’s referenced as a treat or reward – a way to give back to ourselves for all the giving we do because “we’re worth it”. From blissful candlelit bubble baths to regular spa visits, overhauling our appearance, luxuriating in high-end fragrances and body treatments all the way through to enjoying lush holidays abroad. I agree, we are worth it and these can all be wonderful ways to receive. But if we’re treating these activities as self-entitled rewards that counter-balance the frenzied lifestyles we lead then we’re in danger of always having to justify our self-care by first proving that we’ve earned it. This is not the territory of real self-care – quite the opposite, it’s a state of desperation and lack that blocks receiving! This approach to self-care can never propel you into a happy life in which your goals are realised.
Real self-care in its highest and purest form is about introducing pleasure into your life every day because you understand at the deepest level that you’re here on earth to live a joyful life. Increasing the amount of time you spend enjoying your life creates new space for more of what you desire to enter. Remember the last time you felt super happy and were really enjoying your life? Did you notice how effortlessly more of the good stuff seemed to move in? That’s the purpose of real self-care. If you’re depleted and miserable on the inside, do you really have anything to give? Not really, you’re probably building resentment because you feel you’re left with the crumbs. But when you fill up your own cup first and open to receiving all the good your heart desires, you carve out a new path to a meaningful, self-satisfied and successful life.
So if self-care isn’t purely about rewarding ourselves, then what does it really look like and how can we infuse more of it into our lives in a way that truly empowers us? Real self-care is a daily discipline that builds a powerful momentum over time and it’s built around three key ingredients:
Self-Connection. This is the foundation of self-care. It’s established through meditative practices like deep breathing, yoga, walking in nature, journaling frustrated and insightful emotions and finding ways to quiet the mental noise so that you can hear your inner voice. When you engage yourself in this way, you allow your energy to expand, instantly placing yourself in a more receptive state.
The quality of your life is directly proportionate to the quality of your wellbeing, which includes the quality of the thoughts and emotions that define you in any given moment. So here you’re not only connecting to a new vision of who you want to become and what you would love your life to look like, you’re also connecting to the awareness of how you feel and how you can increase your wellbeing throughout the day.
Remember that resentment, irritability and impatience instantly cuts you off from the flow of receiving, while self-connection and experiencing wellbeing opens you up to it completely.
Boundaries. This is the next essential ingredient. With your foundation of Self-Connection (vision and intuition) now firmly in place, you can prioritise and protect what matters to you so that it can flourish. Just as the walls of your home define the boundaries of your living space, you will need to define your inter-personal boundaries so as to protect the intangible facets of your life – your time, energy and dreams. We only have so much time and energy available to us each day so it’s important to work out where you need to say ‘no’ to free up a ‘yes’ to your new priorities.
When you’re re-defining your boundaries, remember that setting healthy boundaries is never about drawing a line or setting a limitation for someone else to action. Never! Real, self-empowering boundaries are those that are set and actioned solely by YOU.
[Tweet “You cannot control another so don’t waste your energy trying – the only thing you can control is yourself and your response.”]
Receiving. Now for the final and most critical component of self-care – receiving! Stay with me now and if you’re tempted to start thinking that this step is selfish then I’m here to assure you that becoming self-full in this way is the most selfless thing you can do for your loved ones. They’re going to love and enjoy you so much more when you’re living and sharing from this incredible place.
Before you start your day, ask yourself, what do I want to RECEIVE FOR MYSELF THAT’S JOYFUL TODAY? And I’m serious about finding something every day – no matter how small. Even if your day ahead looks as dull as dishwater because you’re doing your taxes, preparing an important report or spending much of the day in the car with carpooling activities – ask yourself how you can introduce JOY while completing those activities. Could you add uplifting flowers or gorgeous scents to your workspace or play soft music you love? Could you find a couple of moments in your day to include activities that you know make you feel good (even if it’s just a light stretch here and there or there or a gorgeous cup of your favourite hot drink)? How can you infuse more pleasure into your being while you are doing? Trust me when I say that this is the golden key to a life of paradise!
Practising these powerful self-care steps with commitment each day will allow you to start experiencing your life in the most delicious new way! This kind of self-care is a potent change agent that can positively influence every area of your life if you let it – including your health, wealth and relationships. It really can lead you to creating the kind of life you’ve only ever dreamed of.
I hope the day will come when you find yourself humming away, smiling quietly and confidently to yourself and radiating wellbeing as you effortlessly soak up the love and beauty all around you – purely because you feel happy and fulfilled – and for no other reason at all. That day you’ll know that you’ve mastered the art of real self-care! And on that day, I hope you’ll spread the love and the sisterhood with every other woman you know by sharing your secret.
About the author
Desiree is the founder of Invisible Goddess® and a leading Divorce Recovery and Life Empowerment Specialist to women from all walks of life who wish to heal and create inspired, self-fulfilled new lives. She is also the author of Invisible Goddess: Step Out From The Shadow of Your Divorce, and Shine!
Drawing on her unique mix of over a decade’s experience as a personal development and holistic health practitioner, she developed her cutting-edge process for moving from powerless to powerhouse after the sudden and devastating breakup of her own 10-year marriage which floored almost every area of her life at the time.
Today Desiree shares her inspiring philosophies and techniques with women who are committed to reclaiming
their inner goddess, allowing them to dream, believe and achieve – so becoming the superstars of their own lives and the role models of tomorrow.
