As women, we are often taught that some emotional states are acceptable and others, well lets just say others are most certainly not. Cast your mind back to childhood. Do you remember being told don’t be silly when you were crying, stop being selfish when you were asking for something you wanted, stop getting angry when someone was rubbing you up the wrong way or don’t be a bossy boots when handing out sage advice to siblings or friends?
Even if as adults we can see the logical value in speaking our mind, self-actualisation, standing up for oneself and leadership skills, often our childhood experiences dictate how good or otherwise we feel about ourselves when exhibiting this sort of behaviour.
In truth, this is the reason why a lot of women play what I like to call the glad game. Women who play the glad game answer “fine thanks” when asked how they are, power through a top-heavy to-do list at the expense of their own self care, are far more comfortable meeting the needs of others and are far too scared to stand out for their own unique gifts and talents.
I like to call this living life through rose coloured glasses. Yet instead of making life more enjoyable, ignoring the stuff you don’t feel is okay to acknowledge or indeed express literally cuts off your ability to fully live.
Here are the top five reasons that pretending life is good when on the inside it isn't is a flawed way of creating the life you crave.
ONE: Emotional pretending is falsehood at it’s worst.
Trying to only focus on happiness is a flawed one-sided approach. Try immersing yourself in all emotional states – those that you have been taught are acceptable and those that you were taught were taboo. Paying full attention to your entire emotional range is the only way to know how on track or off track your life is moment to moment. Your natural state is one of health, happiness, peace and abundance. If you are not living from that space, you are just believing some big story about yourself that simply isn’t true. Dig underneath the beliefs you have about yourself immediately – keep the helpful ones and practice deleting the unhelpful.
TWO: Saying yes when you mean no is lying. Every time.
Here’s the thing. I know you want to be a good girl. Do the right thing. Be the responsible one. Or at least, about 85% of women reading this will be nodding their heads in agreement. What if I told you that by people pleasing you are lying – to yourself and others. Service, time and love given out of obligation is lying. Try being honest about what you really do and don’t want to do. Practice saying “it just does not feel the like the right time for me to do that now”. You will be surprised how much your life can change just by exercising your divine right to choose.
THREE: People-pleasing cuts you off from your own intuition.
More on the people pleasing note, when you are trying to live life according to other people’s expectations you are literally drowning out the voice of your own inner wisdom. Like all relationships, the relationship with yourself requires love and attention and spending time together. Include a meditation or simple breathing or quiet time practice every day to flex the muscle of connecting with your own wisdom. You already have all the answers you need, but that people-pleasing pattern you have is holding you apart from all of that wisdom.
FOUR: Emotions and life are all ebb and flow.
Trying to stay on the happiness and sunshine and rainbows end of the spectrum all the time is not only exhausting; it’s only half of the picture. It’s like trying to know how night feels by staying in the daylight 24/7 or pretending that only heat exists when cold is the only way you could appreciate the contrast. Like all things in nature, we ebb and flow from one state to another and the ability to come to centre and live peacefully depends on you fully experiencing and fully accepting all the emotions of the human experience. Resiting this is futile and pushing down your emotions or worse trying to drown them in food or alcohol or Facebook addiction is just not being kind to yourself.
FIVE: The Universe is listening to you honey.
By far the most important - that pretending life is good when on the inside it isn't - is a flawed way of creating the life you crave. The Universe is listening to you. The world is but a mere reflection of what you believe to be true and what you are willing to receive. But here’s the kicker. If you accept less than what you crave, if you take up so much space doing and rushing and caring and to-do list ticking that you have no more room for all the good stuff to come your way, you are your own worst enemy. And that is a crying shame.
So next time you push away emotion, say yes when you mean no, want to pretend it’s all hunky dory when on the inside you feel empty or like you are haemorrhaging joy, stop and ask yourself one of life’s most powerful questions.
What can I do to honour myself right now?
You just might find that if you ask and listen intently for the answer, you may simply need to take off those rose coloured glad game glasses and fully feel and express something you are making yourself wrong for.
Now go set yourself free!
Here’s to your Delicious Life, Kylie x