Picky Brain
Your subconscious criteria in choosing a potential partner.
Why do we choose?
It is in our human nature to fall in love— that much we can’t deny. Everyone is in the prowl to find the potential mate because our DNA aims for survival and replication. If that were truly the case, then why can’t we just be with anyone? Why do we have to go through the motions of selective mating? Our evolutionary history has made us humans high-functioning beings with more specialized emotions and feelings, which set us apart from other members of the animal kingdom. We no longer solely reproduce to ensure the continuity of our existence but we also aim to forge our DNAs with the best ones out there. Hence, we have our selection criteria in choosing a potential mate to help us separate the best from the rest.
How do we choose?
In a roomful of people, you are bound to single out a few from the rest. You might even zero in on one. But how did you come to choose only one person among all the others? It seemed automatic, much like instinct. You develop attraction quite instantly that you begin to wonder, “Is this what love at first sight is?”.
Some people say that you can’t choose the people you fall in love with— it just happens. Well, that may not be entirely true. Everyone, including you, have these subconscious criteria that you unknowingly check off when you meet people and eventually end up with the one you are attracted to. But how do we develop our criteria? Mostly these are attributes and physical qualities that are affected by your past experiences. As human beings, we are uniquely capable of thinking, thus the criteria for desire and selection are greatly complicated. People apply not only physical, but societal, cultural, and economic criteria to the process of selection.
Most of the time, these criteria are lifted from memory trails that we have accumulated over time. Take for example a woman who grew up in a financially unstable family— she might be more attracted to men who can well provide for her. Someone who is constantly surrounded by smart individuals may be driven to seek out someone who is more or less the same level of intellect as they are. A person who was raised in a very affectionate environment may seek the same quality in a potential partner. Another way to look at it is from the genetic and survival component. A woman may be initially attracted to a man with big muscles because she consciously thinks that he is good-looking, but her subconscious is actually more deeply interested in how well he might protect her and their future children.
However, because most of us are usually unaware of our subconscious criteria, we begin to associate love with mystery. Once you do become aware of your subconscious criteria, you will begin to understand why you tend to fall for certain “types” of men or women.
Are our criteria gender-based?
Males choose females differently than females choose their male counterparts. Men are known to be visual creatures whereas women develop attraction from the qualities men possess. Does this mean that males are generally shallow? Of course not. Women do get attracted initially by a man’s physical appearance, although the behavior is more pronounced among men. What it does explain though is how men choose their potential partners.
Initially men were thought to choose female partners based on their ability to be impregnated, thus the more youthful and healthy-looking were often sought out. However, what is considered as beautiful among males has varied over the years and centuries as well as from culture to culture. Few men consciously relate certain features with health; they simply find such features sexually attractive. Characteristics which are culture-based however, are learned. As thinking creatures, men understand that beyond sexual attractiveness, certain non-physical factors such as a woman’s mind and accomplishments are greatly considered. Men initially satisfy their instinctive criterion for the right sexual partner but the one he subsequently pursues and devote resources to satisfy her criteria as well will be the one who also satisfy societal and/or cultural criteria in general. These are women are those considered to be functioning members of the human race. Simply, men are foremost attracted based on physical characteristics of women but eventually they choose one who is not only beautiful in their eyes but one who is also of substance.
As for women, they apply more than their physical criteria to decide whether they are attracted to the opposite sex or not. Women are thought to be generally drawn to personalities and non-physical attributes more than how a man looks— their instinctive drive to be attracted to the most physically-desirable male is overridden by their thought process which dictates them to examine every possible criterion. They think consciously and project into the future whether a potential male partner can give her the best possible outcome. It is for this reason that women are attracted to men of strength, intelligence, money, power, prestige, position, or status.
It may sound like men were cut out as physical predators while women are gold-diggers. These behaviors are actually aligned with the evolutionary design of members of the animal kingdom. Men were and have always been considered as providers while women bearers of children. However, in the 21st century, these roles have evolved as both sexes struggled for equality. But you just can’t simply erase something that is deep-seated in your DNA. It will always resurface in some form, and will always have a bearing on the choices you make— most especially with choosing a potential partner in life.
About the author
Samantha Jayne is a Relationship Expert, Dating Coach, Matchmaker, Author, Speaker and founder of Samantha Jayne.
Samantha is THE expert in rescuing professional singles looking for love. With Blue Label Life’s incredible 92% success rate in establishing long term relationships. She is also founder of Make Men Commit, a website for women to bring out their inner goddess within and snare the man of their dreams!
Samantha brings a fresh and honest approach to the world of dating advice, “When it comes to Love, be open, positive and expect the unexpected”.
Pick up your copy of Samantha's e-book How to Make a Man Commit: Your ultimate guide to capturing the man of your dreams AND keeping him" today.
