Love is a powerful fuel that can start wars between nations and families too.
Often when a child is being bullied, the otherwise rational parents will go to war against the bully, the school and the “system” and their number one argument is LOVE of their child.
But in reality it’s never the love that makes people fight.
- It’s the anger, the hate, the frustration, and the need for revenge.
- The hardest thing for parents to wrap their minds around is this: The problem with bullying is NOT the bully.
- The problem is that your child doesn't YET have the skills to handle the bully.
The solution is NOT to remove the bully, but to equip your child with the right strategies and mindset that will make the bully powerless and your child capable of living a much better life.
Don’t fall into the trap of fighting the bully or the whole system.
- You victimize your child
- You teach your child to expect and rely on people in authority to solve future problems as well
- You deprive your child the opportunity of learning how to handle bullies smoothly and elegantly with the least amount of effort and energy on his/her part.
Love is to empower your child. Not to victimize them!
All parents have good intentions, but not all parents have good advice!
And when it comes to bullying bad advice can lead to disastrous results and cause a lot of pain, so let’s go over some of the things NOT TO SAY!
Hit back if you’re being bullied! is bad advice because: A violent response will make it impossible for others to see who the real aggressor is and for some of our clients it back fired and got them expelled from school and one is even facing a lawsuit because of medical implications. Violence is never the answer and you are setting your child up for failure (and possible jail time) if that’s your best strategy to solve conflicts in life.
Just IGNORE the bully/bullies! is bad advice because: It will send a signal to the bully that your child is an easy target and your child will be taking in endless portions of negative energy from the humiliation and ridicule which is unhealthy and can manifest into physical symptoms. And because eventually there is a point of enough is enough that will make your child snap and hurt either the bully or her/himself.
So what is the RIGHT THING to do?
Get your child the help he/she needs. Not even an army of intimidating people will be as effective as the right coach with an arsenal of strategies to outsmart the bullies. Four or five sessions with a specialist can turn everything around and give your child the self-esteem needed to be brave and stand up to the bullies in a calm and kind way. The transformation in your child can seem like magic, but it’s not. It’s mental jujitsu where you learn to effortlessly block the bully’s attack with kindness and to return the force of negativity to the sender.
“Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?” – Abraham Lincoln
There is nothing more attractive than a happy, positive and balanced person who is able to meet rude people with kindness and love. Giving that mindset to your child, is LOVE!