Beauty
Have you noticed that over the decades our definition of beauty seems to have changed….from the house-bound goddess to the corporate high-flyer, from the hair rollers to the hair straighteners, from the high teas to the day spas, beauty appears to have taken on a form in direct alignment with the many roles we juggle and play as women. But what is the one most attractive asset we all have that is irresistible no matter our age, gender or title?
Our smile. Yes, flashing your pearly whites can disarm even the most cynical of them all. I tried it today as I was walking through town. It has always struck me that when I’m walking in the city, I very rarely see people smiling and enjoying where they are. So I tried an experiment: I smiled warmly (not so much that it may have appeared creepy 😉 ) and held eye contact with the people I walked by.
What happened was that 8 out of 10 smiled back. The other 2 looked puzzled and confused (quite amusing for me to see actually). For the 8, it felt soooo good to receive their smiles – it was like elixir for my soul. I hope mine gave them the same ‘feel good’ vibe too.
I remember reading a quote years ago that went something like this: “use your smile to change the world; don’t let the world change your smile.”
I believe our most attractive feature is our smile – not the forced fake one that we've learned to wear in fear of being seen as complaining or not being satisfied or dare I say ‘unhappy'. The smile I'm talking about it the genuine most authentic smile which bursts open from the inside out. The one that draws others closer to you. The smile that makes life around you and within you ‘enough'. The smile that reassures you and let's you know that you are ok.
What is it that wipes our smiles from our faces? Is it an event? A person? An unexpected consequence? Some bad news?
Smiling has been proved to release the ‘feel good’ chemical in our brain called dopamine. Dopamine is a hormone that enables our executive brain to function effectively – it enables clearer thinking and decision making, problem solving, recalling information and retaining or learning new information relatively easily. Dopamine is also released when we are engaging in activities that we find fulfilling, when we are around friends and loved ones (that we like ;), and when we’re exercising or making love. Dopamine is good for our brain, good for our body and great for our adaptive mood and outlook on life.
I have learned a great deal about the brain whilst completing my Masters in Neuroscience of Leadership. The way we direct our focus and attention determines how our brain and body respond. The problem often comes from the fact that for the majority of the time, we are not consciously aware of what we are paying attention to or what we are actually thinking about. We need to ‘wake up!’ and pay attention to what we are paying attention to.
If you want to be happy, think happy. If you want to feel good, think good. If you want to feel beautiful, think beautiful.
As soon as I started looking forward to just being me, my life became much happier. Every day is a good day now, because I’ve chosen to see it that way.
Is it that simple? No, of course not. If it were, this article would never have been written.
Is it worth it? Hell yeah!!! Bring it on.
By simply refocusing our attention more deliberately towards what we ‘want’ rather than the default mode of the brain which is to know and focus on what we ‘don’t want’, we can begin to forge our life forward-facing, rather than looking back or fearing the worst. This is when our smiles begin to fade…..sometimes for a very long time.
When we greet a new born do we say ‘how ugly!’ or ‘how imperfect’?
So why is it that somewhere along the line we start judging ourselves for being less than perfect? What does perfect really mean? Do we really want ‘perfect’ or do we really long for ‘real’. I know which one I’d rather be.
Being ‘real’ allows us to embrace our own uniqueness – that which makes us ‘different’ and ‘special’ in our own unique way. You may not be able to identify what it is for yourself, but if you ask your loved ones or people who know and appreciate you, I’m sure they’ll be happy to give you a list!
Ask any person if they’d like a perfect parent/partner/relative/friend/child or a ‘real’ one, and you can guess their answer.
So what happens to us? How did we somehow become less than ‘perfect’ miracles of life?
I’ll tell you what happened: we learned to compare. And to compare, is unfair!
Rather than comparing ourselves with others, the only comparison that is healthy for us to compare ourselves with ourselves i.e. am I doing better today than yesterday? Am I learning to love myself more than before? Am I appreciating the gifts I do have and what I am doing today as compared to previous years?
In our sometimes desperate pursuit for acceptance and a sense of belonging from others, we learn to abandon ourselves. We discount our true self to become a version that is more ‘acceptable’ or ‘appreciated’ or ‘valued’ by others. Over time, this is when we begin losing touch with our true self. We feel lost. We feel confused. We feel discontent. We feel uncertain and start doubting ourselves and our instincts.
So here’s the good news! You can re-member who you really are, and re-connect with the amazing gift you are to the world. Years ago I designed a Values Assessment tool which I use with all my life coaching clients prior to commencing on a journey of (re)discovery and newal. Essentially is enables you to realize who you are, what you stand for and what really matters to you. When you can clearly articulate your core values in black and white, decision making becomes so much simpler, and you will not doubt yourself any more. Try it for yourself here: josiethomson.com/SHW
Bringing more certainty back into your life will anchor your truth and integrity, and enable you make wise and confident decisions and allow you to smile and shine again with ease and grace – from the inside out!!
EnJOY!
Josie x
About the author
Josie Thomson combines fifteen years of corporate experience with over a decade of coaching and consulting to corporate executives, entrepreneurs, business owners and community leaders. She has held senior positions at BHP and is a multi award winning coach, speaker, trainer, mentor, single mother and two-time cancer survivor. Josie has consulted with hundreds of private and corporate client companies such as Coles Myer Ltd, McDonalds, Suncorp, Commonwealth Bank, Macquarie Bank, Rio Tinto, Deloitte, and has introduced mindfulness practices and emotional intelligence whenever practicable. She is committed to the empowerment of women worldwide and helps her clients discover and express their unique gifts to the world. Josie is also the Ambassador for Childhood Cancer Support, and has very recently been awarded the global Gold Stevie Award for Maverick of the Year (Difference Maker) for 2014.
