< Previous1Self SootheTaking responsibility for our own upset feelings is crucial to healthy relationships. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get a cuddle and some loving words from your partner – you should! What it means is that when you feel yourself getting upset, angry or scared, you take a moment to acknowledge how you’re feeling, check in with what’s going on in your body and practice your favourite self- care strategy. Maybe taking three deep breaths, or imagining being at your favourite beach, or placing a hand over your heart or yourbelly and just breathing into the discomfort. From there you’ll be better able to connect on an emotional level with whatever is going on. 2Ask for what you wantIf you notice yourself feeling resentful, this probably isn’t happening. Sometimes this is about something happening that doesn’t feel good for you, so next time, instead of jumping into criticism or flopping into victim mode, try the ‘I feel/about what/I need’ formula. An example of the formula is: I feel unsupported when you leave the dishes on the counter, I need you to wash them up. It feels a little unnatural when you start but tends to go down better for all involved than some combination of criticism and huffiness! The trickier part of asking for what you want relates to those deeper things that you might not have realised are missing, like more connection, more one on one time, more support. Journaling can be a good way to identify some of these. Flip your perspective3Research into couples has shown that when unhappy couples are asked about their partner’s character traits, they assign a whole load of negative traits to their partner while assigning a whole lot of positive ones to themselves but when they are happy, the partner gets positive traits too. This shows that this tendency is not so much about stable character traits as it is about our perspective in the moment and it does not help us in resolving issues in relationships. So next time you are thinking of your partner’s negative traits, try this little exercise for shifting up your perspective: think of the trait you have assigned to your partner, for example, selfishness. Now think of an example of your partner having been the opposite of selfish. Next, think of a time you have been selfish, and then a time you have been the opposite of selfish and just notice how it feels before diving back into the interaction. 4Take responsibilityThis one goes hand in hand with perspective. Next time you find yourself in an argument with your partner and feel yourself being criticised or blamed, stop, revisit point 1 and self-soothe, then have a look at the situation to see if there is some little part of it that you can take responsibility for. This isn’t about saying that everything is your fault, but rather about recognising that relationships are complex and taking responsibility for your part. For example, let’s say you were late home from work because of a big project and that made you both late to a social event that was important to your partner and he or she was very angry. It would be easy to flip into defensive mode and shout back about your responsibilities and stress at work, however an example of taking responsibility might be saying “I’m sorry I was late, I know how important this is to you, I should have phoned you to let you know what was going on”. 5Practice appreciationHealthy relationships are ones in which there is a culture of appreciation and respect, and thisstarts at home! Try a daily practice of journaling. You can start small, with just three things: one thing you appreciated about yourself, one thing you appreciated about your partner and one thing you appreciated about something or someone else!Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. ― Robert A. HeinleinFIRST DATE TIPSBy Samantha Jayne TOP 10First dates can benerve-wracking,so followthese great tipsto make sureyou have afantastic time.Yes as simple as being nice is all it takes to kick off a great date. Even if you have had a bad day keep it to yourself. Your date is here to get to know YOU not your day and vice versa. If you have had a heavy day make sure you decompress before your date so you can give him the best possible you! 1Be warm and friendly. 2Smile.A smile is sexy, it opens us you to possibility and allows your date to be comfortable. A simple smile will get the best of out your date and relax the mood just and open up the doors to possibility.3Even if your date is disastrous and you can’t see it going anywhere what is the harm in having a little fun, get to know your date. Laugh off any awkward moments. Have fun! 46Keep the focus on your date; ask him questions about his favourite holidays, which movie star best represents him, if he could invite any three people in the world to dinner who would they be? Keep the conversation light-hearted and fun! If it is one sided and he isn’t asking you questions, it’s a really good sign he is having a great time. Embrace it, plus you are a big girl you can share your story along the way. It will show great confidence and charisma. Ask your date uplifting questions. Ladies that doesn’t mean short and tight, remember the rule choose one; either cleave or legs but not both! Leave a little to the imagination. Dress to impress. Ladies, get a blow dry, do it yourself or get yourself to a blow dry bar, there are no excuses for not having your hair groomed. You’d be surprised just how many men notice a woman’s hair. Check your hair style. 57Touch your date.Now I’m not saying a full groping - far from that! Studies have revealed a simple touch even as little as reaching for something can ignite chemistry. In conversation lightly brush his forearm, playfully squeeze his bicep, have your shoulder touch.Do something different.Dinner, movies is good but how about something different. Bring out your inner child, go to a theme park, and see what’s on in the city. Go horse riding, ice skating, by learning something new together - it makes it so much more fun getting to know each other and gets rid of any dating jitters.8Eye contact. Eye contact is essential with intimacy. Studies have revealed that looking into a person’s eyes for as little as two minutes can subconsciously trigger the chemical reaction that makes us fall in love. Make sure it is appropriate, keep your gaze look away slowly and give him a soft look with a smile he will melt! Offer to pay. Most men do like to pay for the date, however they do frown upon a woman who has the expectation that he will pay. Offer to pay, do the shuffle - by doing this, it shows your date that you appreciate him. Offering to pay is seen very favourably by men. 910BE SURE TO USE THESE TIPS AND YOU'LL BE NEVER SHORT OF A GREAT NIGHT OR A GREAT DATE. Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove. O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wand'ring bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle's compass come; Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me prov'd, I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.― William ShakespeareNext >