< Previous“In the end, maybe it’s wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.” - Elizabeth Gilbert40SMART HEALTHY WOMEN MAGAZINEHOW GRATITUDE CAN BANISH GUILT by Gabriella FeingoldGratitude practices are praised as a way to cultivate appreciation for what we have, to increase our pride in ourselves, and to keep perspective even when we are going through a hard time. These practices use internally-directed gratitude - expressing thanks to ourselves or to a higher power for things within our own lives. And this is certainly a valuable practice. But what about externally-directed gratitude? Is there a value in creating a practice of thanking other people - beyond the fact that it makes them feel good?The truth is, expressing gratitude for others is just as important as expressing gratitude for our own accomplishments. Not only does showing appreciation for others make them feel valued, there is a real benefit to us when we make a habit of thanking others: It helps get rid of guilt and allows us to build up and rely on our support systems instead of being afraid to ask for help.I am a people-pleaser - I am usually concerned about other people’s needs far more than my own. Gabriella Feingold helps people who spend most of their time and energy on others to take better care of themselves. She empowers them to release the dynamics of overwhelm, over-commitment, guilt, and constant rushing and to take tangible steps toward a more sustainable and intentional lifestyle. She thrives on her morning journaling time, getting muddy at the potter’s wheel, and swimming in the ocean. Get “3 Ways to Stop Rushing and Slow Down” or schedule your Breakthrough Session now.41SMART HEALTHY WOMEN MAGAZINEMy natural inclination is to assume that I am inconveniencing people. And for many years, when I made a mistake, was having a hard time, or needed support, my gut reaction would be to apologize.I even had moments when I was planning my own wedding - the day that was supposed to be all about me - apologizing to other people for the wedding decisions I was making! I couldn’t shake the guilt from making choices I thought other people wouldn’t like.For years since then, I have worked on increasing my self-compassion, being able to look after my own needs, and letting go of perfectionism and guilt. And even though I run a life coaching practice helping others do the same - I’m still working on it! It’s a lifetime practice.In the process of all of this inner and outer work I’ve done, I discovered a wonderful thing about gratitude: Gratitude for others helps to get rid of some of our guilt when we are being overly concerned about inconveniencing other people. It reminds us that we don’t need to apologize for being human.How many times do you apologize in the day? How would it feel if even just a few of those times, you brought that fuzzy feeling of gratitude into the world instead?42SMART HEALTHY WOMEN MAGAZINEJUST SAY“THANK YOU”The most simple way to do this is to stop saying “I’m sorry” and to say “thank you” instead.For example, if you are running late to dinner with your friend, instead of saying, “Sorry I’m late,” say, “Thanks for waiting for me”. Or if you had a phone call with your sister and ended up talking the whole time, say “Thank you for listening to me,” instead of, “Sorry I talked so much.” And if you need support from a loved one because you’re going through a hard time, instead of saying, “Sorry I’m such a mess,” try, “Thank you for showing up for me.”You can give it a try right now: Pick something that you recently felt guilty about and say “thank you” to the person you are worried you inconvenienced. Notice the difference between how it felt the last time you apologized and how it feels to express gratitude. (Even if you already apologized, you can still go back to that person, say “thank you”, and take note of the way it feels.)This doesn’t mean you are never allowed to say “sorry” again - sometimes we accidentally hurt people and need to make amends. But before you do, stop and consider what you are apologizing for. And if you are just apologizing for being human - for needing support, for asking for help, for not being perfect - switch that apology out for a “thank you”.As a bonus, while you are mitigating your guilt and fear with a dose of gratitude, you are also giving someone else that warm feeling of being appreciated. And in turn, they will feel closer to you and may be more likely to ask you for support when they need it. Gratitude doesn’t just help with people-pleasing, it leads to a more thriving and more reciprocal support system. And who doesn’t want more of that?43SMART HEALTHY WOMEN MAGAZINESimplify your life - chic vintage-inspired dresses44SMART HEALTHY WOMEN MAGAZINE“What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude.” - Brené Brown45SMART HEALTHY WOMEN MAGAZINEKaren calls herself an Experience Maker, creating and hosting small group active, healthy, experience-rich trips in unique locations around the world. Her business, Sharing Bali & Beyond, is all about Active Travel + Simple Luxury. An Australian living in a small village in Bali, she spends her time creating, writing, hiking and living a village life. In between, SB&B takes her to Timor-Leste, The French Alps and Fiji. Cantik, her Pomeranian friend is always by her side. PAUSE… FIND THE BEST MOMENT IN YOUR DAY... DO IT NOW. by Karen Willis46SMART HEALTHY WOMEN MAGAZINEThere’s always a ‘best moment of the day’ even on those days life leaves us in a mess. Epic, tiny, delicious, funny, confronting, insightful, over the top exciting, quietly moving, everyday ordinary or once in a lifetime special, best moments are to be cherished.Pausing to reflect on these best moments reveals our lives are rich in sources of happiness. We simply have to look for those moments. Creating a ‘best moment of the day’ habit is a very simple way to bring more happiness and gratitude into every single day.How to get started? It’s simple, and literally takes just a few minutes at any time of the day.First step is to PAUSE…. Step away from the busyness of the day and give yourself a few minutes to recall the best moment of your day.Next step is to SAY IT OUT LOUD. Feels a little weird at first, but it adds power.Next up…. WRITE IT DOWN. It may be a quick note or an involved story. Up to you. Finally you need to DROP THOSE PRECIOUS BEST MOMENTS INTO ONE PLACE. Try this…Get a big glass jar (or a fab container or tin), a block of colourful post it notes and a pen. Write down your best moment on a daily basis, drop it into the jar. It helps to place the jar in a prominent place because every time you walk past that jar your mind goes back to those best moments. Dulled down by the day? Wallowing in negative thinking? Drowning in doubt? Dip your hand into the jar, like a lucky dip, and grab a best moment. Taking just a minute to read and reflect is sure to lift your mood. Make a date with yourself once a month to celebrate your best moments. Tip that jar upside down, spilling your best moments with abandon. Read every single one of them. Losing yourself in your best moments will make you realise how much inspiration you have in your own life, you simply have to choose to look for it.A big glass jar is not exactly travel friendly, so for those who live a mobile life you need to make yourself a best moments travel kit. Find a soft travel pouch, something special that has nothing to do with your practical work travel bags. Tuck your pen and post-it notes inside. This is your portable jar. When you get home empty the pouch into your jar. Away for five days… that’s five best moments added to your jar. No excuses.47SMART HEALTHY WOMEN MAGAZINEIt’s fun to share, find a best moment buddy, promise to share on a regular basis. Encourage your friends and family to take it up. Maybe that jar becomes a family jar. Use it to help someone out. That friend struggling through the day? Take five minutes to shine the light on a best moment together. You may get a laugh, or at least a feeling of relief knowing there is some good going on amongst the struggle.A few tips on sharing…. It’s not a competition to see who has the best moments. Hold back the Instagram habits of editing, applying filters to your thoughts or looking for the best angle to a story. Remember you’re doing this for yourself first and foremost, share in the joy, but don’t let yourself be dragged down by envy or comparison.Looking back on your best moments will reveal what really matters to you, what brings the joy in your life. A common thread along with lessons to learn about yourself appear. Ultimately the habit shows us that if we look around in our own lives there’s inspiration everywhere.Your glass jar will be filled with a powerful collection of ‘notes to self’… each one a reason to celebrate life.“Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again.And in between the amazing and the awful it’s ordinary and mundane and routine.Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary.That’s just living a heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life.And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.” - L.R. KnostStart now… what was your best moment of the day today? 48SMART HEALTHY WOMEN MAGAZINE“It’s a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.” - Germany KentNext >