Many women are desperately searching “how to” these days. Frustrated because so many other women make things like balance, wellness, fun, peace, joy, wealth, etc. look so easy and yet they haven’t a clue what it is they are missing to find and hold on to the similar lifestyle or feelings. So where is the disconnect here, ladies? I believe it is the unclear “Joy Factor.”

It is so hard for today’s gutsy gals to stop and go the extra mile for themselves. Nurturers by design, putting us first can seem, well, selfish. But let’s face it, without carving the time and space we need to fully understand how to live full out today, how can we ever truly experience or feel joy? How can we relate to our own joy factor, if we never truly step into what our joy factor really means? I have a few secrets I discovered on my own path when I was looking for joy. So roll up your sleeves and let’s unearth three fundamental “must’s” when trying to discover how to increase the joy in your life.

Must #1: Understand what Joy means to you…

This may seem a little elementary, because I can safely assume you totally “get” what joy means. It is pretty simple to know it relates to great pleasure and happiness, but when you break the meaning down and relate it back to your own mind, body and soul, what does it really mean?

For me, joy is internal and it starts there. Why yes I love some pretty nice things in life and when I get them, I certainly feel joyful but that joy stems from something deep within. Something my soul recognizes and it only recognizes it because I have created a “soul-file” throughout life and trained my soul to know when something is truly joyful. But I had to know what would spark my flame so to speak.

Smells, oh how I love smells. I know when I am gearing up for some intense creation with my coaching practice; I need to infuse smells throughout my office that inspire me to go deep. When I lay my children down to sleep at night, I spray their pillows with my lavender therapeutic grade essential oil and that make my heart happy to know they are comforted by natural aroma to stimulate relaxation and peace.

The two examples above I just outlined allows me to process joy as a feeling I am in control of and that makes me feel freaking powerful. Understanding what joy means, looks like, and feels like allows you to recognize it, process it, savior it, and control it…speaking of control let’s go to “must #2”!

Must #2: Control your own Joy!

Yes, for years I looked onto the world and the people in my life to provide me with joy. Wasn’t my husband responsible to provide me with joy? My friends and my prior supervisors? Come on, I deserved to be happy and it was up to everyone else to make sure I was! Well, that was a dreadful lie I would often replay in my mind over and over again.

I know you are a savvy lady, otherwise you would not have subscribed to this magazine. I know you know you control your own happiness and joy. BUT, let’s not kid ourselves here, how often are we still looking for others to provide it even though we know better? Exactly! So how can you control your own joy? I believe after you understand your joy and after you release the stronghold of giving others control over your joy, the next thing you ought to do is to take time every day to make sure you are creating joyful experiences in your day. Maybe it is as simple as grabbing your favorite inspirational mug from the kitchen cabinet to pour your ever so needed coffee into in the morning while stopping and telling yourself that you are enough, awesome and worthy! Maybe it is as simple as listening to your favorite music and closing your eyes appreciating your mind, body, and soul. You decide, but remember to release others from the responsibility of making you feel joyful. That is a factor that will surely increase your joy, my friend.

Must #3: Shed guilt

We often question ourselves when we take time out, when we make a purchase, or when we make a decision in life. We harbor guilt in crazy ways and if you ask me, it is toxic. Quit feeling guilty in life. Today is a gift and there is absolutely no promise of tomorrow. So sure, be responsible and get what you need to get done in the day, but do not drown in “to do’s” and be sure and organize yourself in a way that you can feel guiltless when it is time to stop working and time to start playing. Playing is just as important as working and playing with guilt is cheating! So increase your joy by “allowing” time to be the princess you are, the gutsy strong woman you were designed to be!