As soon as you blame someone else for your anger, hurt or unhappiness, you give your personal power and freedom away.  Eleanor Roosevelt famously summed this up, saying, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Nelson Mandela, freed after spending 27 years of his life incarcerated, said, “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”  He understood he could be free in his mind, although his body was locked up, or vice versa, mentally and emotionally imprisoned while his body walked free.

Our lives are simply a series of moments, and the choices we make in each moment determine whether our moments add up to a mostly sweet, sour, or bland life.  The fact you are reading this article means you have more choices in your daily life than billions of others on the planet.  It may not feel like that at times, but consider how many choices you make from the moment you open your eyes in the morning.

Whether to get up immediately or snooze for 5, to exercise or not, all your choices of clothing, toiletries, makeup, food and drink, to check your phone or radio or tv, and that’s all in the first hour just for yourself, let alone choices you make for others.  You always have a choice, and when you catch yourself saying you don’t, it’s simply because you don’t like the consequences or the other option/s.

That self-talk is self-programming, and you’ve probably noticed how you can talk yourself into or out of anything. The quality of your self-talk is partly determined by your experiences and influences growing up, shaping your beliefs and values, and partly by your education and conscious choices on your part. Both combine to construct your unconscious blueprint™ which in turn influences the choices you make across all areas of your life, moment by moment.

Your unconscious blueprint™ is your internal image or images of yourself. It can be dramatically younger than your chronological age, or similar, empowering or disempowering.  If you often feel less than ‘grown up’, lack self-confidence or often feel unsafe or overwhelmed or reckless, then you may have a much younger unconscious blueprint™.  If you struggle to shed excess kilos you may have an overweight or unhealthy internal image which needs to be updated to a healthier version to reprogram your body.

How to identify and change your unconscious blueprints is explained in my book “The Face Within: How To Change Your Unconscious Blueprint”. You can start by relaxing your mind and body with gentle breathing and just mentally ask to see yourself, and without judgement simply observe what image/s appear. You may have a sense or knowing without seeing it clearly, and that’s perfectly fine too.

We also have unconscious blueprints of others, and once again, those images can empower or disempower them or you.  Think about those you are intimidated by, and those you are dismissive of, particularly in the workplace. How does that impact your working day, and influence your relationships and progress?  If you run your own business, is it impacting your ability to have invoices paid on time?

Think about those who complain about how you treat them, including your adolescent or adult children, for example.  It is not uncommon, though not healthy, to have unconscious blueprints of your older children when they were young, so cute, and needed you in the centre of their world.  It is harder to respect a colleague you ‘see’ as an irresponsible teenager, for example.  Racial, religious and cultural stereotypes can strongly influence unconscious blueprints too. Fortunately, what you are aware of, you can change.

When the passion disappears from your relationship, it can be a sign your unconscious blueprint of him (or yourself) has become less than sexy, perhaps turned into another irritating teenager to pick up after. Rest assured he can be turned back into that sexy stud-muffin you married, at least in your internal programming!

True freedom begins within, by giving yourself permission. Yes, you may need to learn how to re-programme your internal image, habits and thoughts, but that’s okay. You are allowed to keep learning. You are allowed to ask for help. You are worth it. And remember, this is the only life you have, so it’s important you live it, not simply exist in it, moment by moment, choice by choice. Freedom starts within.  What do you choose to do differently now?